David Griffin has been making a lot of noise about his top ten secrets of magic which he has been offering as a gift. Well it seems you get eggsactly what you pay for and not something you would expect from an 8=3 Golden Dawn magician. We got our copy in our in box and were very interested in the 10 secrets of magic that David promised. Here is what we got….
According to David, his magical secret to obtain virility and (we kid you not) is to smear an eggnog on your Willie.
Secret To Strengthen Male Virility.
Take the yoke of an egg. Mix it together with one part cinnamon and one part camomile juice. Mix thoroughly, then leave the mixture sit for one hour. Cover the genitals thoroughly with the mixture and leave it there for another hour before showering it away. Potency will be greatly increased immediately following.
Another top tip from David also involving his todger is to help you find your soul mate.
“On the first day of the New Moon take leaves of ivy, fig, or palm. Tie them together with string made from pieces of grass. once you have them tied together pleasure yourself, but do not reach orgasm before cooling down. Wait until you must urinate, then cover them with your urine, saying:
“Like this fire, so shall burn my love and that of the woman or man of my dreams who shall be attracted by me forever.”
Once said, burn the entire mixture over a hot flame. Place the ashes in a small pouch and carry them on you until your soul mate appears. Once this occurs, disperse the ashes in a watercourse.”
So apparently having a wank and wazz over a shrubbery will get you the woman or man of your dreams – and that m’lud is the case for the defence.
We expect that an Golden Dawn 8=3 always interested in finding a soul mate or looking for natural Viagra. Wyn Westcott and Mathers were always at it. Once you cross the abyss you are always thinking about such things.
To be fair Griffin does not say his is Golden Dawn, or even the much vaunted sex magic and second order teachings he keeps banging on about. It is not high magic, but the egg does wonders making the pubic hair nice and soft… or so we are told.
It would appear that David “Country Roads” Griffin is not as loved as he believes. After Watcher revealed him in action in his day job, he countered by offering a tour up the Nile with him as a glorious imperator telling you about Ancient Egypt.
If the concept of singing “take me home country roads” all the way down the Nile does not enthrall you, David’s missus, who used to be touted as anthropologist (unpublished) is now apparently a skilled archaeologist and can tell you the significance of what you are looking at — the monuments, not the Imperator.
In answer an internet mem has appeared on Facebook.
In case you wondered what the comedy head of the AO David Griffin gets up to for his day job, when people are not paying him $200 for a phone call — we can safely say he is a tour guide.
We attach this video for your edification and to see David Griffin 8=1 in real life.
The video was made by an Italian tourist who does not appear to be on the occult scene and is not aware that she is in the presence of someone who has crossed the abyss and is capable of providing her with profound spiritual knowledge. In fact on the woman’s facebook page she seemed embarrassed for her tour guide Archon Basileus of the Rosicrucian Order of Alpha et Omega, Imperator Ordinis of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, and Chief Adept of the R.R. et A.C. Still no hard feelings she friended Griffin when she got back.
Griffin has been getting even sillier lately promising to sell you ten secrets of magic which are guaranteed to work. Our question is, if they do then why the hell is he doing this job? Clearly there are not enough people ringing him for $200 — if only there were a foolproof way to David to to use magic to make money so he didnt have to do that sort of thing…
Comedy Golden Dawn leader David Griffin has been on the attack again claiming that Nick Farrell is profiteering from the sale of his AO material. Calling Farrell “Montgomery Burns” for publishing an AO ritual in the Hermetic Tablet, Griffin called Farrell out for his constant scheming.
It would be fair enough if Farrell makes any money from the Hermetic Tablet (the money goes to occult charities), or if he had actually written the article which has caused Griffin to be offended. In fact, the article uses an unpublished ritual from the Slater collection which had been sitting in a library for years and was written, not by Farrell but by Eric Sisco.
But to accuse Farrell of making money out of the AO is a strange projection on Griffin’s part. Three days ago, he offered to train people by phone or Skype for the staggering price of $197 per hour
This is the same man who screamed at Pat Zalewski for offering a course, which featured online chats for $100 a month.
Griffin claims that talking to him by phone for an hour is a wise investment in your magical training and you get what you pay for.
But that does not seem to be the only overpriced service Griffin appears to be charging. If you want to hang out in his August presence for a day, he will charge you $797 for the experience.
You can spend nearly $3000 and stay for three days if you like. Apparently this will take you to the “next level and beyond”
While no one minds people paying their teachers for courses. The question becomes when does this amount of cash get to be silly? Also is it wise to be slagging off other magicians for profiteering when they are raising money a few hundred dollars for a charity while you are attempting to get thousands?
To be fair we don’t know if anyone has taken Griffin up on any of his offers. But you could by a lot of books and magical gear for $3,000. There are people we would pay $197 to talk to for an hour, but we don’t think David Griffin is one of them. An over-inflated sense of self-worth and importance s a common illness among Golden Dawn types, we hope that this was all one of David’s whimsical gags.